Warning: Contains Crack
by Mistress Fang
Summary: CRACK FIC


Warning: Contains Crack

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or this list…

Authoress Note: I got bored damn it! OH, and Merry Christmas!

….

1 - **If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!**

Julie looked around at the masked and robed men currently swarming the little village. She turned to her friends Robin and Ginny.

"Do you know what this means girls?" she asked, eliciting the two to shake their heads in a negative response.

Julie smiled and turned back to watch the Death Eaters. "TO THE BAT MOBILE ROBIN!" She shouted, pointing to the sky and then grabbing the other girl's hands and dragging them off.

2 - **Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar**

"NO DAMN IT!" Julie jumped onto her former professor's back and forced the collar around his throat. She was immediately de-backed and fell to the ground.

"Damn it Julie!" Remus tugged at the flea collar and succeeded in almost choking himself.

"Leave it! I don't want fleas in my house!" Julie grinned as the man growled and cursed as he tried to take off the offending object around his neck.

"I DO NOT WANT A FLEA COLLAR NOR DO I HAVE FLEAS!"

3 - **I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort**

It was the night of the final battle and Lord Voldypants had just made his first announcement to the school concerning Harry Potter. Before the pug dog face girl from Slytherin could make her comment Julie pointed her wand at her throat and performed the same spell that his highness had.

Everyone looked at her as she cleared her throat and then said, deadpanning. "Dude, get a life."

4 - **I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the headmasters office**

"To the headmaster's office NOW Julie." Snape looked quite cross.

Julie nodded and gathered her bag. She stood and then began skipping out of the classroom, singing. "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard-"

"OUT!" Snape roared, ruining Julie's fun.

5 - **I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.**

Fred looked cute as he tried to concentrate, Julie decided. The two were in a crowd of their fellows learning to do the Accio charm.

She smiled at him, catching him off guard. "Use The Force." She said in an all-knowing voice.

Fred had to be taken to the hospital wing for cracking his head on a wall while laughing.

6 - **It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.**

Julie closed her eyes and turned, envisioning the Weasley's kitchen as her destination.

After experiencing the familiar suction thing she popped into existence smack dab in the middle of the Weasley dinner.

"BAM!" she yelled, striking a pose with both feet spread and both arms lifted above her head.

7 - **Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."**

"I don't think I can do this." Neville said in a frightened voice.

Julie rolled her eyes and produced a bottle from her cloak. "Here, this is the infamous 'Gryffindor Courage' you hear so much about." She told him.

Neville took the bottle suspiciously, eyeing the label and then turning to the older Gryffindor. "I don't think our courage comes in the form of Firewhiskey." He said.

8 - **I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs**

"What are you doing?" Julie jumped as the voice behind her spoke; she lifted her head and smiled wanly at the two tall red heads behind her.

"Painting the smurfs blue." She answered, turning back to her current project.

"Ms. Jackal I do not think that is a proper form of entertainment." Another voice stated.

Julie cringed, turning her eyes towards Dumbledore.

9 - **So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like Dead**

Julie motioned her hands animatedly as she told her story to the group of first years at her feet. Hermione and Ron wandered over and watched.

"So then I was all, 'Avada Kadavra' and he was all like, dead." She finished, frightening the little ones. "That's what happened to the last first year who got on my nerves." She then stated, the eleven year olds screamed and ran.

Hermione crossed her arms, the motion drawing Julie's attention and she grinned sheepishly.

"What's up Prefect?"

10 - **Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret**

Julie grinned as she snuck up on the silver headed Slytherin; he was currently unaware of her presence. She slowly slid her wand out of her robe and then flicked it.

The spell flew and hit Malfoy in the back, turning him, once again, into an amazingly white ferret. Julie flicked her wand again and the ferret started bouncing, Julie started walking, keeping the bouncing ferret in front of her.

"Look guys! It's Malfoy the Amazing Bouncing Ferret back for an encore!" she shouted into the Gryffindor common room.


End file.
